I sometimes have this strong urge to send God a “We need to talk…” email. (Yes, I know I am weird – get over it). I mean yes, He is “O”wesome – you read it right, I spelt it with an O- but there are few things he definitely has to bring out in the clear.

Just about now Biju is wringing his hands at my blasphemy and few of my gay friends have begun a long email on how God is a She not a He (yes, I know I am going straight to hell!) Anyways so coming back to the point don’t you ever wish you could sit down with the Almighty and ask him not “busy day ehh...” but “how come…. “( yes I love my how comes!!)

Let me explain, it happened a few weeks ago at the mall – she walked towards me wafting some expensive perfume. Her size 6 waist swayed in her snug micro short- shorts and her tank top showed off a perfectly flat midriff. While Biju pretended to not notice her while opening ogling (cannot blame the fellow – poor thing has to hang out with me all day!!) I couldn’t help the stab of jealously striking straight through my heart. And then I noticed it – right in front of me – she was eating a bucket full of chips drizzled with what looked like mayo. WAIT- justtAA- Darn- Minute!! She has THAT abs with Those chips and I get a muffin top for my lettuce diet!!! and that’s when I thought that’s it; God we need to talk….. amongst other things

… about how I haven’t won the lotto yet.

…. about how you can let people like Himesh Reshmiya / justine bieber call themselves singer- where is my bollywood call!!

…. about how you let me walk out of the house thinking “daaayyamm – this new dress is howwtt on me” (no- modesty isn’t my colour) while you very well know the price tag is hanging out at the back!!

…… about how after a full month of grueling regimen at the gym I lose 300 grams!!! and 5 days for Biju yields 2 kg loss – uncool God, very uncool

….. about how you are so unfair with your distribution of qualities – some get killer looks, brains and freaking metabolism and I get..... chubby !!

I have this sneaky suspicion that the re-runs of my misfortune are running in a loop on a TV in some waiting lounge in heaven …. Do u feel so too?

PS: God I love you – Peace ;) _\/_

  

How.. come !!!

Ok, so I managed to do it again … you know that thing we do but really don’t wanna … make a complete and utter fool of myself in public. It was as innocent an action as can be – walking down the gym stairs. I had just finished a good workout – you know the kind that makes you feel – “I am so ooowesome ;) ” ( don’t lie, I know you feel that) and following my trainer down the staircase when I missed a step and fell. It wasn’t just a fall- it was a fall accompanied by a loud sound…a few strings of expletives and all the grace of a rolling sack of potatoes. It’s funny how it happened in an instant but in my mind it was in super slow –mo…. You know like in Baywatch ;)… nuuu….oooooo…hhhhhh……Dhadam! @#@#$#$%$.....

See even all of this is fine, the fall, pain…. what is not fine is that at that precise moment every freaking person in that gym was looking my way… what are the odds ..huhh!!! You all know how gyms are right… people cannot stop admiring themselves in any reflective surface possible…but somehow the universe aligned to have them turn and look EXACTLY in my direction. How come .. how come!!! Actually this made me think about a few troubling “how comes” in my life

How come … whatever I may be looking for is always in the last box /tin.

How come .. when I keep something so carefully to find it quickly later.. I forget where carefully is!

How come… when I am looking for my keys in the purse they are the last thing I find and the first when I am looking for something else.

How come … Biju can sometime read my mind, complete my sentence …know precisely what I am saying with just a look but when I tell  YELL to keep the toilet seat down, I might as well be speaking French!!

How come … the moment I buy a gadget its on sale the next freaking day.

How come… even after 30 years my mom will not hesitate to smack me for back talk and I will accept that I deserved it.

How come … I will go to the shop to buy milk…. Get 143 dollars worth of stuff and return home with out the MILK!!! Done this so many times- its beyond funny.

How come.. I know EXACTLY what juice / ice-cream flavor I want.. Until.. Biju orders his- then I want that flavor!!!

How come… it takes me less than 20 minutes to decide on what to wear to work/ get ready and walk out of the house but I can spend hours opening and closing the refrigerator door deciding on what to cook for dinner.

AND

How come all of your will read this and still not post a comment !!! ahhhem aheem