Awkward - who, me?!?

They were definitely having a breakup- I could spot that like I can spot a sale with my eyes closed. This was me at bustop waiting for my ride home- I had just let out a string of expletives (in my head) – for having missed the bus by just that much when I noticed these love-birds –nomore – getting into a public yet not so public break up.

Now, having been a participant in a fair few of these events called breakup (no points for guessing if I was the dumper or dumpee) I knew exactly what was happening. The guy had just dropped the ‘B’ word and from the looks of it the girl wasn’t taken it well - surprise surprise!! He was just ready to lean in with a consoling hand on her arm and I thought to myself.... DUUUUUEEEDDD noooooo... wrong move - if you want all you appendages intact I would recommend moving out of her punch / kick reach zone. Even before he could do his "I am sorry" pat on the arm she hisssed at him with clenched teeth and by gowd she was good.... I mean trust me as woman speaking in a dangerously low tone with clenched teeth is in my DNA but she was just something else.

This whole drama unfolding in front of me was so juicy the only thing missing for me was a BIG bowl of popcorn- my secret love for reality soap's doesn’t even come close to the thrill I was getting being Voyeur to this break-up. I only wished they were speaking a little louder - I was sure I was missing a few of the bad words- I don’t know if I thought that thought too hard or did I actually say it out loud but at that precise moment both of them turned to look at me - dead - in - the - eye!!! IF you have ever been caught with your hands in the cookie jar or down your pants you will know exactly how I must have felt!!! I was red with embarrassment - and for an Asian with dark skin turning red is quite a feat I tell ya. I wanted the earth to swallow me - some massive pre-historic bird to fly me away!! I mean Awkward does not even begin to describe the situation. I somehow managed a sheepish expression and got on to the bus (which incidentally was the wrong bus but at that point I didn’t care).

On the bus it got me thinking.... there are so many adjectives that can aptly describe me ... Smart, sexy, calm being NONE of them...but somehow Awkward seems to hit bulls eye. Just look at any of my high school / college photos.... besides being "heavy on the eyes" I think the first word that would come to mind would be awkward and I guess I have carried that characteristic into my adulthood quite faithfully. The number of awkward situations I get myself into is just mind boggling and dumb but still I am going to prove my point by sharing a few with you.

1) Greetings/ Hellos – I am so so horrible at these - I cannot tell you how many times I have answered “I am good thanks” to a hello!!!! And the worst is when I see someone in the street and wave at them and they don’t see me- So I end up looking like this total ass in public. This has happened too many times for it to be a coincidence that so many people fail to notice me waving like a lunatic. This is proof that people may be avoiding me … hummm

2) I dunno why it happens to me – but when I am guest at some ones place the toilets refuse to flush- especially after #2 !!! and if it flushes the moment I step out someone else wants to use the toilet – These are the times when I want to say to them – “If I were you – I wouldn’t go in there for at least the next day !!”

3) I have a feeling that in some previous birth I must have pissed off the technology God’s- cause they play these games with me – for eg – I will be showing someone how smoothly a gadget works and at that moment the f-ing thing with die on me!! And worst are the times when I have called someone over to tell them how something doesn’t work and while I am telling them this it works perfectly fine. Actually even more embarrassing was this one incident when we got a new TV and for some reason it wouldn’t work - just wouldn’t - I check all the blue / yellow green cables and finally had the tech come over to be told I had not plugged it in - Could I possibly have been more of a dork at that moment !!!! AND I HAVE WORKED FOR A TECHNOLOGY COMPANY FOR 3 YEARS - kill me already!!

4) I am 30 years old- not a kid anymore and yet every time a condom / sanitary napkin / intimate scene comes on TV while my parents are around I don’t know what to do where to look – all I want at that moment is to be anywhere but there.

5) At shops I have mistaken customers for shop assistant and asked them a full minute inquiries- some have been kind enough to let me know – some have just killed me with their looks and walked away

6) Doors – if I had a penny for every time that I have walked into a glass door..I would be on Forbes Richest dork list!!!! Or while reading the “pull” sign I am pushing with all might at the door… ughhhh

7) This happened to me just last week- new pair of shorts and top – checked myself out in the mirror, mildly excited about looking good … walked around the shopping mall feeling smug about myself and happy about the looks I was getting only to notice that I had not done up my fly !!!! ohhhh dear GOD what have I done to piss you off.

8) You know those moments when a friend is over at you place and you say yes to them using your computer only to realise you have NOT deleted your seach history – well what can I say – been there done that !!

9) This has happened to me only once ( thank god for that) but I can without doubt list it as my top most – I had worn a bikini for the First time in my life ( if you know me – the lord wasn’t very genrous to me with regards to beach worthy body) anyways. ALL of my friends are playing around in the surf and suddenly I realize I can feel the surf – way close to my “surf”.. I look down to notice MY BIKINI BOTTOM is MISSSING!!!!! ARRRGGGGGGHHHH…. That was the last time I went near a string bikini

10 - i am going to leave you with this image i saw on one of the site and it made me feel like - ALASSS - i am not alone ;)

:) Anu